versuri 058 c - will & riley

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mornings are dark and i cry often
sometimes about something, mostly about nothing
the feeling of sleep being an enemy creeping makes this bed seem like it’s my coffin
i hate it when my mind started introspection
never found deep soul searching one bit interesting
why do i need to find myself
i’ve already lost myself inside myself and i can’t help with intervention
all intense- for all intents and purposes
don’t know why i came to earth- i don’t know what my purpose is
know what my intentions are- i just don’t wanna worsen it
and worse than this is waking to a universe adverse to this
working with the working cl-ss to work out what the virtue is
but the ruling cl-ss don’t want us to work at this
though we don’t got much to work it with we’ll work with it and it’ll work apparently hardwork is virtuous
that’s what the system told my sisters when they failed her
rated her
on a scale of 1-10 they, graded her, degraded her
the school of hard knocks then derailed her, and failed her
cause past this point they said don’t save her, they made her
circ-mstance the way it is, circ-mstances worse than this, way it feels and way it k!lls is circ-mstance of social ills
circ-mventing all these feels, wishing it was all surreal
but i just hoped it wasn’t real, so i freak out and take some pills
we live our lives on the verge of death
haven’t worshipped in a while, don’t know place of rest
and the rest of my anxiety is what is next
but honestly my sobriety is resting in my chest
black boys told to aspire to masculinity
it really means, i can’t acquire any liberties
to really feel, self love transpire in these soliloquies
intrinsically, feel like i’m losing my lucidity
i know you didn’t like it when i talked about depression
gave re-ssuring smiles but winced at every mention
maybe not, maybe it’s my minds own invention
sorry i’m raising my voice, if there’s a slight bit inflection
it’s infecting every aspect of my daily life
messing my minds perception causing me internal strife
can’t tell a wrong no more, can’t tell if something’s right
until i’m drowning in the bottle and it’s late at night
like she used to do, maybe she was an unhappy wife
in unhappy homes, and probably an unhappy time
so a good time would be a bottle before nine
and at bed time we would act like we wasn’t crying
these streams of consciousness
might seem quite preposterous
flowing out my mind as i’m losing my autonomous
sense of sp-ce and time, but choosing to pre ponder this
lie that i’ll be fine, but realise it’s monotonous
i’m buying all my time, cause really deep inside
i’m drowning in denial and swimming through the tides
your access is denied, in you i can’t confide
and watch it multiply, as loved ones it divides
cause truth is
who knew this, the world is a ruthless
cruise ship, where cool kicks makes you a cool kid
it’s foolish and rootless, betrays you like judas
confusion is fruitless, but grows like a tulip
antisocial, nah i don’t hate people
just always feel like me and company will be unequal
pleasure in the pain, the receipts show you’re deceitful
nothing was the same, but this ain’t the real sequel
for my elementary existence
getting high, getting by
thinking quietly in case anybody’s listening
i find this feeling crippling
getting mine k!lling time as the plot slowly starts thickening
cause really i’m auditioning
for a life after mine as it looms, nearby in the distance
tryna piece it together, a piece a mine, a piece of mind lost when
we don’t got forever
and ever and ever and ever
cause those who take their lives the most
are men

- versuri will riley

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